Understanding and Addressing Regression in Older Siblings After a New Baby Arrives

When a new baby joins the family, it’s natural to expect some changes. While there’s plenty of excitement, older siblings often experience a mix of emotions that can be confusing. One common response you might notice is a form of “regression,” where an older sibling suddenly reverts to behaviors they had outgrown, like wanting a bottle, needing extra attention, or even asking to be rocked to sleep.

As parents, it can be both surprising and challenging to see these shifts, especially when you’re already adjusting to a new routine with the baby. However, regression in older siblings is a normal part of adjusting to the family’s new dynamics. With a little understanding, empathy, and gentle guidance, you can help your older child navigate this transition while feeling safe, secure, and loved.

Why Regression Happens

When a new sibling arrives, an older child’s world can feel like it’s been turned upside down. Suddenly, there’s a lot of attention focused on the baby, and the family routine has likely changed, making it harder for them to find their familiar place. Regression is often a sign that they’re feeling uncertain or a bit insecure about their role in the family, and they’re trying to reconnect with the comfort of earlier stages in their life.

In many ways, this behavior is a natural coping mechanism. By reverting to “baby” behaviors, older siblings may be seeking reassurance that they’re still loved, valued, and cared for in the same way as before. It's their way of asking, “Do you still see me?”—especially now that a new little one is in the picture.

Recognizing Regression Behaviors

Regression can show up in various ways, depending on your child’s personality, age, and developmental stage.

• Returning to habits they had outgrown, like thumb-sucking, asking for a pacifier, or using baby talk.

  
  

• Seeking more physical comfort, such as wanting to be carried or rocked, even if they’ve been independent.

  
  

• Changes in sleep habits, like waking more frequently, asking for a bottle at night or struggling to fall asleep alone.

  
  

• Increased clinginess or separation anxiety, wanting to stay close, or having a harder time being apart from you.

  
  

These behaviors are usually temporary and are your child’s way of expressing their need for extra comfort and reassurance. With gentle support, they will gradually feel secure again and let go of these behaviors when they’re ready.

Supporting Your Child Through Regression

Acknowledge Their Feelings

First and foremost, validate what they’re feeling. Letting them know that it’s okay to feel confused, a little jealous, or even worried can go a long way in helping them feel heard. You might say something like, “It’s a big change having a new baby in the family. I know it can feel different, but we love you just as much as ever.”

Offer Comfort Without Reinforcing the Behavior

If your older child starts asking for a bottle or wants to be rocked, you can provide reassurance without fully encouraging the behavior. For instance, if they ask for a bottle, you might suggest a special sippy cup that feels “big-kid,” or if they want to be rocked, offer extra cuddle time on the couch instead. This way, you’re meeting their need for comfort but gently guiding them back to their usual routines.

Create Special One-on-One Time

One of the most effective ways to ease regression is to carve out dedicated time just for your older child. Even 10-15 minutes a day can help remind them that they’re still an important and loved part of the family. Whether it’s reading a book, playing a favorite game, or going for a short walk, that focused time shows them they’re valued and loved, even with a new baby in the family.

Praise Independence

Reinforce their role as a “big kid” by celebrating moments of independence. Point out when they’re doing something on their own or helping out in a way that a “big sibling” might. This can help them feel confident and proud of their role, instead of feeling like they need to go back to “baby” behaviors to get attention.

Involve Them in Caring for the Baby

Helping out with small, safe tasks around the baby can give older siblings a sense of purpose and inclusion. Whether it’s handing you a diaper, singing a song to soothe the baby, or holding the baby’s hand, these actions help them feel connected and important, reducing the need for attention-seeking behaviors.

Being Patient with the Process

Remember, regression is temporary. As your older child adjusts to the new family dynamic, these behaviors will often fade away on their own. Patience and understanding go a long way in helping them feel secure, and soon enough, they’ll settle into their new role with confidence and love.

Above all, remind yourself that these moments are part of the adjustment process and don’t reflect any “setbacks” in their growth. With support, reassurance, and a little extra love, they’ll come out of this transition stronger and more connected to the new family they’re now part of.

When we respond to regression with compassion, we help build the foundation for a strong sibling bond, showing our older children that they are seen, valued, and deeply loved, even as the family changes and grows.