The NICU: Tips for Parents with Premature or Medically Complex Babies

Stepping into the NICU for the first time is like stepping into a whole new world—one filled with monitors, wires, and routines you never thought you’d have to learn. When Meadow was born six weeks early, I remember the fear, the overwhelm, and, at times, feeling like I was watching her through a glass wall. If you’re here because your baby is spending their first days in the NICU, know that you’re not alone. You’ll get through this, even though it might feel like the most uncertain time in your life.

Here are a few things I learned along the way, things I wish I’d known in those early days. I hope these thoughts bring some comfort, guidance, or at least a sense of community as you walk through this journey with your precious little one.

Don’t Be Afraid to Ask Questions

One of the hardest things about the NICU is the flood of information, and it’s okay not to understand everything right away. From medical jargon to the specific care routine your baby needs, there’s so much to take in. Asking questions is not only okay but it’s also expected and encouraged. The NICU team is there to support you, and they understand that for many parents, this is an entirely new language.

I learned to ask about every beep, every procedure, and every change in Meadow’s care plan. Knowledge empowered me; it made me feel like I was part of her team, not just an outsider looking in.

Create a Routine with Your Baby

In a place where everything feels out of your control, creating small routines with your baby can help bring a sense of normalcy. For us, the daily rhythm of kangaroo care, feeding time, and softly talking to Meadow made a difference. Even the smallest rituals can strengthen that bond when everything else feels upside down.

As you get to know your baby’s routine, you might find moments where you can participate—changing diapers, feeding, or simply placing a gentle hand on them. These moments mean everything and remind you that you are their parent, and they know your touch and voice, even in the NICU environment.

Trust Your Instincts

There’s something that kicks in when you become a parent—a strong, deep instinct that tells you what your baby needs, even when you don’t understand every detail of their medical care. Don’t underestimate this. I remember feeling that Meadow’s cries meant something specific, that she needed more comfort on certain days, even if the monitors showed her vitals were stable.

Trusting your instincts doesn’t mean ignoring the medical advice, but it does mean allowing yourself to be part of the care team in a way only you can. Speak up if you feel something could be done differently. Your voice matters, and your connection with your baby is invaluable.

Lean on Your Support System

The NICU journey is too heavy to carry alone. Find those people who can lift you, whether it’s family, friends, other NICU parents, or even online support groups. I was fortunate to connect with other parents online who understood the mix of hope, fear, and exhaustion I was feeling. Sometimes, just having someone who could say, “I know what you’re going through” made all the difference.

If family or friends offer to help, let them. They can bring meals, take care of things at home, or simply listen. It’s okay to lean on others; you don’t have to be strong every moment of this journey.

Take Care of Yourself, Too

It’s so easy to get caught up in the NICU’s intense schedule that you forget about yourself. But you need to take care of yourself to show up for your baby. Remember to eat, sleep, and do small things that ground you. It’s okay to step outside for a breather or to take a day off if needed. You don’t have to be there every moment to be a good parent. The NICU staff is caring for your baby, and it’s essential to care for yourself as well.

I remember feeling guilty the first time I took a day off. But I quickly learned that I was better able to show up for Meadow when I took those moments to recharge.

Give Yourself Permission to Feel Every Emotion

The NICU journey is a rollercoaster of emotions—fear, joy, frustration, and everything in between. Some days, you’ll celebrate milestones; other days, you might feel helpless or angry. All these feelings are valid. I found it helpful to allow space for all of them without judgment.

Let yourself grieve, cry, or celebrate however you need to. The NICU is hard, and holding space for your emotions is part of surviving this experience. Don’t hesitate to seek out counseling or support groups if you feel it would help.

Celebrate Small Victories

Every tiny step forward is a victory worth celebrating. From a good feeding session to stable vital signs, these small wins are the building blocks of your baby’s journey. In the NICU, progress may feel slower than you want, but every step counts.

I remember Meadow’s first feeding without her tube and how incredible it felt. That single moment gave me hope, and I held onto it on harder days. These little victories are reminders of your baby’s strength and resilience, and they’re worth celebrating.

You Are Not Alone in This

If you’re in the NICU right now, know that every parent who’s been there stands with you. This path is filled with challenges, but it’s also filled with love and resilience. Your baby is in the best hands, and you are a vital part of their care. You’ve got this, even on the days when it feels impossible.

This is a journey, and it’s okay to take it one day at a time. Lean into your strength, find moments to connect with your baby, and trust that every day brings you closer to bringing them home.