How I Support Sibling Involvement in Birth

Welcoming a new baby isn’t just a big moment for parents—it’s a huge transition for the siblings too. I’ve witnessed how powerful it can be when children feel included in this process. Sometimes that means they’re in the room when the baby is born, and sometimes it means we find thoughtful ways for them to feel connected even if they aren’t physically present. Either way, my goal is always the same: to help siblings feel secure, empowered, and truly part of this journey.

Why Bother Involving Siblings?

There’s something beautiful about watching a child meet their new sibling—seeing the wonder in their eyes, the curiosity, the spark of connection. Being part of the birth can help older kids:

• Feel less pushed aside or left out

• Start bonding with their baby sibling early

• Be proud of the role they play in the family

• Carry a memory they’ll never forget

And of course, not every child will want or need to be involved the same way. I always center the child’s needs, personality, and comfort. We meet them where they are.

Starting with Honest Conversations

It all begins before labor even starts. I sit down with the family to talk through what sibling involvement could look like. Some questions we explore together:

• Does your child want to be at the birth?

• How do they tend to react to new or intense situations?

• Are there specific things they’re excited or nervous about?

Then we plan—together.

We think about who can be their point person during the birth (grandparent, friend, etc.), what their role might be (maybe they want to hold a hand, bring water, or make a sign for the baby), and where they’ll be during different parts of labor. I help families build a flexible plan, with plenty of room for change.

I also support parents in talking about birth in ways their kids can understand. With little ones, it might be as simple as, “The baby will come out of my body and I’ll be working really hard.” With older kids, we might get more into the biology or emotions involved. I’m always happy to join in those conversations if parents want some backup.

Getting Kids Ready for Birth Day

Preparation helps kids feel confident, especially if they’re going to be around during labor. Some things I like to do:

• Practice what labor might sound or look like (moaning, moving, deep breathing) so it’s not scary

• Help parents pack a “sibling bag” with snacks, favorite toys, coloring supplies, or a tablet

• Set up a cozy space for the sibling, especially during home births

• Teach simple cues—like “When mom gets quiet or starts breathing deeply, that means her body is working hard”

Even if a sibling doesn’t want to be super hands-on, knowing what to expect can take a lot of pressure off.

When Labor Starts

When the big day comes, my role includes making sure the sibling is cared for emotionally. I watch how they’re responding—are they bored? Excited? Overwhelmed?—and work closely with their support person to adjust as needed.

If a child wants to participate, we find sweet little ways for them to be involved. Passing a cool cloth, offering mom sips of water, reading a story, or even just sitting nearby and drawing can all be meaningful.

And if things get intense and it’s time for a break, I gently guide the sibling out of the space. Sometimes that means saying, “You’ve been such a great helper—let’s go make something special for the baby while mom rests.”

I’ve also worked with families who didn’t want their older kids at the birth but still wanted them to be part of it. We’ve recorded voice messages to play during labor, made banners for the birth space, or found other creative ways to include their energy.

After the Baby Arrives

The moment siblings meet their new brother or sister is tender and emotional. I help that first meeting feel soft and unrushed. Whether the child is eager to snuggle the baby or wants to keep a little distance at first, both are okay.

I also love celebrating the sibling’s role—maybe with a little gift, a “Big Brother” or “Big Sister” certificate, or just a heartfelt thank-you. Feeling seen in that moment makes a big difference.

In the days that follow, I check in with parents about how the sibling is adjusting. Sometimes things go beautifully, and sometimes there are big feelings to sort through. I’m here for all of it.

Questions Parents Ask Me

“Will birth be too scary for my child?”

Sometimes birth is intense—but when we prepare kids ahead of time and talk about what’s happening in ways they understand, they usually surprise us with how calm and capable they are.

“What if my kid gets bored or overwhelmed?”

That’s why we have a dedicated support person and a plan for breaks. Kids can pop in and out, and we keep them busy when they need a change of pace.

“What if I change my mind mid-labor?”

Totally fine. Labor is unpredictable. If you decide you want the room quiet or private, I help make that transition smooth and respectful for your child.

A Few Favorite Stories

There was Mia, who was seven and so excited to be her mom’s “birth cheerleader.” We practiced breathing together weeks ahead of time. During labor, she stood next to her mom, whispering, “You’re so strong, Mommy.” And she got to cut the cord, beaming the whole time.

And then there was Ethan, who was four. He waited with his grandma while his baby sister was born. He drew pictures for her while he waited, and when he met her for the first time, he handed her his favorite one and said, “This is for you, baby.”

Thinking About Involving Your Kids?

If you’re considering it, here are a few things to keep in mind:

• Start the conversations early

• Center your child’s unique personality

• Have a dedicated adult just for them

• Stay flexible (because birth is birth!)

• Celebrate their part in the story—big or small

Let’s Make It Meaningful

Sibling involvement isn’t just about having a child in the room—it’s about making space for connection, curiosity, and love. I’m here to support that in whatever way works best for your family.

If this is something you’re thinking about for your own birth, I’d love to chat. What are you hoping for? What would feel good for your child? Let’s build something together that honors every member of your family.