Reducing Stigma: Talking Openly About HIV in Parenting Spaces

Parenting spaces should be filled with openness, compassion, and support. But for HIV-positive parents, these spaces can sometimes be filled with misunderstandings, fears, and stigma. These barriers can make it harder to connect with others and find the community support they deserve. Reducing stigma isn’t just about removing fear; it’s about replacing it with education, empathy, and the unwavering belief that every parent—regardless of their health status—deserves respect and support.

As doulas, we play a key role in helping create these supportive, stigma-free spaces. Whether we’re working during pregnancy, birth, or postpartum, we can be advocates, educators, and emotional supporters, fostering environments where HIV-positive parents feel seen, understood, and respected.

Educating Friends and Family About HIV in Parenting

One of the most powerful tools in combating stigma is knowledge. Many people still have misconceptions about HIV, especially when it comes to parenting. As doulas, we can help parents educate their loved ones and create a more informed and supportive community.

• Highlight the Facts and Dispel Myths: HIV is not what it once was. With modern care, particularly antiretroviral therapy (ART), HIV-positive parents can live healthy lives. One of the most reassuring facts is the concept of Undetectable = Untransmittable (U=U). This means that if an HIV-positive person has an undetectable viral load, they cannot transmit the virus to their child or anyone else. Educating friends, family, and even healthcare providers on this reality can help replace fear with understanding.

• Explain ART’s Role in Parenting: ART has dramatically improved the lives of those living with HIV. For HIV-positive parents, ART helps maintain their health while also significantly reducing the risk of transmitting HIV to their baby. With the right care, an HIV-positive parent can have a healthy pregnancy and raise their child without the worry of HIV transmission. As a doula, you can help facilitate conversations around ART and its role in pregnancy and parenting, offering reassurance and knowledge to parents and their support network.

• Share Personal Stories: If you’re comfortable, sharing personal stories can make the information feel more relatable. These stories can help break down stereotypes, showing that an HIV-positive parent, just like any other, loves and cares deeply for their child. As a doula, you can also encourage HIV-positive parents to share their own stories or connect with others who have had similar experiences, offering a sense of community and validation.

  
  

Creating a Stigma-Free Environment for HIV-Positive Parents

Creating an environment where HIV-positive parents feel comfortable sharing their experiences requires intentionality. It means addressing HIV with openness and respect and building a community that listens without judgment. Doulas can be instrumental in setting this tone.

• Promote Education in Parenting Groups: If you’re part of any parenting groups, suggest bringing in experts to share information about HIV and its impact on parenting. Whether it’s through workshops or educational articles, helping the group understand HIV in the context of parenting can foster greater empathy and reduce misunderstandings. As a doula, you can also introduce HIV-positive parents to other supportive communities or resources.

• Avoid Assumptions and Respect Privacy: Every parent is different, and it’s important not to make assumptions about what an HIV-positive parent may need or feel. Create space for them to share as much or as little as they wish. Respect their privacy and offer support without overstepping. Sometimes, the most important thing you can do is listen and create a safe, non-judgmental space where they can speak openly about their experiences.

• Inclusive Language Matters: Language is powerful. Terms like “AIDS patient” can perpetuate stigma, while phrases like “parent living with HIV” center on the individual rather than their condition. Small changes in how we speak can create a culture of respect. As a doula, you can model inclusive language by referring to parents as "parents living with HIV," and encouraging others to do the same.

Encouraging Positive Language and Support Within Communities

Our language shapes the world we live in, and it’s especially important when talking about HIV-positive parents.

• Use Person-First Language: The shift from saying "HIV parent" to "parent living with HIV" may seem subtle, but it makes a huge difference in how someone is perceived. The focus shifts from their condition to who they are as a person—someone who is living, thriving, and parenthood is part of that journey. As a doula, using person-first language in your practice can have a profound impact on reducing stigma.

• Avoid the "Hero" Narrative: It’s easy to want to paint HIV-positive parents as “heroes” for simply being parents. However, this kind of language can feel patronizing, as it implies that their parenting is extraordinary simply because of their health status. All parents face challenges, and HIV-positive parents deserve respect not for their courage in living with HIV, but for their love, dedication, and commitment to their children. A doula needs to recognize and respect their unique journey without elevating it to an unrealistic standard.

• Amplify HIV-Positive Parents' Voices: One of the most effective ways to reduce stigma is to amplify the voices of HIV-positive parents themselves. Whether through support groups, online communities, or public panels, allowing them to share their experiences helps normalize their journey. As a doula, you can support parents in finding spaces where their voices are heard, helping create a community where their presence is accepted and understood.

Connecting Parents with Resources

Many organizations support HIV-positive parents, and it’s crucial to connect them with these resources. You can play a key role in linking parents to support networks that cater to both their physical and emotional needs.

Share Community Resources: Programs like the Children’s Health and Immunization Program (CHIP) or Maternal and Infant Health Programs are great resources that provide comprehensive care to HIV-positive families. Regardless of your location, there are likely local organizations and support networks that offer valuable services. As a doula, you can be a bridge, helping parents find resources that offer the care, support, and connection they need.

Moving Toward a Compassionate and Inclusive Future

Reducing the stigma around HIV in parenting requires ongoing education, compassion, and understanding. Every parent—whether living with HIV or not—deserves to feel respected and supported. By educating our friends and families, fostering inclusive and stigma-free spaces, and encouraging positive language, we can create a community where all parents feel safe, celebrated, and empowered.

As doulas, we have the privilege and responsibility of being advocates for all families, including those affected by HIV. Let’s continue to break down barriers, embrace empathy, and build a future where every parent, regardless of their health status, can bring their love and resilience to their family. Because at the end of the day, every parent’s journey is valid, and every family deserves support.